I am not really in the mood to post now,but since I had promised Junhao,I will post.
you said that you wanted my answer,on who I like,why did'nt I return your love,why did I start dao-ing you after knowing of your religion etc.I will answer every of your doubt now.
you know hongwei right? After my break with him,which i should'nt elaborate how in case there are some kpo ppl out there,I stop believing in relationship.For 1 whole yr,I live in agony,pain and regret. I cried myself to sleep every single night,and it did'nt help to know that I am the one that destroyed our relationship.Not once,twice but thrice.(yes,we stead 3 times in total)It all came down to a single word:TRUST.If i trusted him enough,we would'nt be like this..
After hongwei,in order to forget my pain,I hook up with weijian,it does'nt prove to be a solution at all,i still think of hongwei even when I am out with that weijian. It feel something like,I am forcing myself to love something i don't.In a way,I am degrading myself.
Of course,a relationship like this wont last,after we broke up.I took a break,exploring the possiblities on why does'nt it work out,why am I not able to love him etc.but NO GUILT,I must admit.
Around june this year,I got myself a new bf,Jincai,a boy from city harvest church. That time,I am still riding on the possiblities that i will be able to forget hongwei because Jincai is such a great guy.But apparently,it fall through too.I start finding every single fault i can on him..I don't feel anything at all when i am with him.Also at that time,it happen that there someone else who like me as well..so..I broke off with Jincai for fear of hurting him further(fyi,I did'nt stead with the other guy too as i don't know him well at that time)But needless to say,the damage is already done,I heard that jincai nearly fall into depression.. well,at least,I feel truely remorseful this second time.
It was'nt until 3 month ago where the other guy that i mentioned in the above paragraph show me a picture of him with his friends.I look at one of his friend and it like something struck me"ESTHER,STOP LOOKING,XXXXXX IS THE GUY YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR"but,at that time I am still struggling,And there also this thought on whether i really like him for who he is or just simply because I find trace of hongwei in him.
I remember proudly telling Russell a few weeks ago that God have nothing asked me to forget anyone.haha,but a few days later after proclaiming,something miraclous happened.it simply mean 1 thing.I WILL BE ABLE TO AND MUST FORGET HONGWEI. surprisingly,I am able to let go of him for the first time of my life.. and love that someone else that God asked me to:)
PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU!!
and sorry junhao,i can't like you as my heart is already taken:(
I wrote at ;;10:21 PM
the girl
Name:ESTHER LIM Crack:11/04/1993
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