Dear God,

I don't know how I should start this,but I am feeling kinda terrible right now.

I had prayed,in the wrong way a year ago.Instead of praying that you give me enough strength for me forget hongwei,I prayed that you let me met someone else who will make my heart skip a beat again.

well,I met that someone.

But the probability of him liking me,is zero.

At first,I thought that it just a passing infatuation.

At first,i thought i "like"him because he is from China..

At first,I thought that I still love hongwei because up till now,I'm still so gaga over Yunnan,especially Kunming.

Sometimes I wonder,is this a joke?HE IS A ONLINE FRIEND,I have not even met him before.But i don't know why his words and actions bothered me so much..

He and I are worlds apart,he is everything that I am not.

He is althetic,musically inclined,smart,healthly,sociable..

and I am sickly(doctor had cited my neuro condition as a gone case),stupid,and physically weak.

I don't know what will his reaction when he read this,maybe fall off the chair?

or he may ignore,or guard himself against me?

Lord,I prayed that you will guide me as to how should i continue from here..

In Jesus name,I prayed.

Amen.